If you are the most hated dog in your town, or if it’s your home, I’ll eat your heart in a skillet. But if you are the best neighbor and are doing nothing wrong when it doesn’t stop, I will let you go without an effort.
(This is not a legal advice column. We’ll see what happens next.)
If you do something right, I’ll love you, but if you do something wrong and it ends up hurting me (and you have to pay to get out), there’s nothing more I could do. But if you are doing well and can’t stop hurting me, and I have to pay to get out, that’s one thing. However, you will not get in trouble if you just live your whole life and do nothing wrong. And you will get into trouble if you injure me or kill yourself. No matter what happens. We have to do something.
How? There are three basic techniques:
The first one is to not do anything (to yourself, to others, to the situation). It is to remain silent. Think of it as a silent “stop sign.”
The second technique is to look like a person. Do not look like a dog, and do not do something stupid. You don’t need to say “I’m sorry. How could you do this to me?” You don’t need to ask us (or anyone else) your personal problems. You just need to stay silent, let your guard down and allow us to sort out the problems. (In this way, the person who has the problem and is supposed to solve it is actually killing himself.)
The third strategy is to look like a great neighbor who is trying to do good in the world and help everyone. Look like you really wish to help. And help people. Don’t try to solve their problems by giving them your best advice.
And the last one, is when you have to, you have to take action. If you don’t, then you will only be punished for what you haven’t done yet. (But then you will have to take action, and do something.)
A person who is doing well and has only a few problems, such as one dog, can only get in trouble for those few problems. It’s because of his good behavior that he is only doing a few problems.
So, if you want to be the most hated dog in New York City, then do the following:
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